Listening to Bunny

I reeeeally hate when Bunny is right.

This week in therapy, we discussed the importance of daily routines.

“You’re trying to oppress me!”

“You’re being dramatic. I’m trying to help you, help yourself.”

I rolled my eyes.

The thing is, I sort of enjoy having a routine. I’m a planner. I’m not really a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kinda gal.

But it’s different when you’re told you have to  do something, isn’t it?

I’m digging in my heels a little bit.

Bunny says I should think of it as having an extremely sensitive body clock. She says I need to be very attentive to things like, when I eat, or when I go to sleep.

The eating part is no problem. Ask anyone. I get hangry, and have been known to fly into rages whenever a barrier is put between me and my next meal. I’ve learned to keep a jar of peanut butter in my desk, at work, lest I get stabby mid-day.

The sleep part, on the other hand?

This is not easy for me since I am very much like a five year-old when it comes to bedtime.

I don’t wanna go to sleep!

What if I miss something fun?

Just one more chapter!

Bunny says having a daily routine can help ward off the moodies.

She also says we need to examine external triggers that cause the moodies.

One of the things she was rather insistent upon, was setting aside time for myself that is just for myself.

I thought I was already doing that.

In my spare time, I enjoy volunteering, and have been–on and off–volunteering on a rape/crisis hotline. For the past year, this has been mostly on an on-call basis; picking up shifts here and there when they need additional help. It’s tough work, but it’s very rewarding.

I enjoy helping people. It’s actually part of my identity. I’ve never worked outside the non-profit sector, and I have always, always volunteered. It’s what I do. It’s who I am.

But Bunny has encourage me to put this on hold.

For the past month, or so, I’ve been spending my free time digging in the dirt. I’ve got a tiny little container garden and it brings me great joy to nurture those little plants. I’ve grown most of them from seed. Sometimes I even talk to them. Michael reminds me that they are not pets. Heh.

I’ve also renewed my interest in Lomography. I had a 1960s Diana Camera, and I recently bought a little toy sardine can camera that is a replica of the 1930s Kandor Candid.

This has been really fun. I’m not much of a photographer, but I think I’m getting better.

I’m having fun experimenting with light and color.

Logan Circle, Diana Camera

Chinatown dog in shoes, Diana Camera

It’s fun to wander around the city, looking for interesting things to photograph. It’s even more fun when I remember to take the lens cap off. Heh.

Wu Tang Cat ain’t nuthin’ to fuck with, La Sardina Camera

View from a train, La Sardina Camera

I think Bunny might be on to something, here. These are very relaxing activities.

The goal is to increase the amount of time I can go in between mood episodes. My bipolar disorder won’t go away, but with the meds, and with some adjustments to my routine, I might be able to create a little bit more stability for myself.

I guess it’s good to have Bunny to help guide me through this. It is a little maddening that she’s always  right. She’s a good therapist, and she will never say, “I told you so,”  but I suspect she’s had moments where she’s wanted to.

She should know, however–and you heard it here first–the caffeine and the wine ain’t going anywhere. No way. No how.

So, there.


3 thoughts on “Listening to Bunny

  1. sleep…a necessary component to keeping the moodies not so moody! My symptoms come back full force if I miss having 6-7 hours of sleep in a row for 2-3 days in a row. I get depressed, highly anxious, paranoid, distorted thoughts, crying jags, etc. Work on putting that inner child in her place and send her to bed for her own good.

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