Happiness Hit Her, Like a Train on the Track

So, this is what my head sounds like, right now:

I am definitely feeling hypomanic.

I love  this feeling.

It’s like winning the lottery.

And falling in love.

I feel invincible.

And creative.

Truthfully, I feel a little high.

Despite my rule of only running when I’m being chased by predators, I feel like I could run a marathon right now.

And finish it.

It’s only Thursday and I’ve flown through this week’s to-do list. I’ve even started two new projects I didn’t think I’d get to until next week.

This feels like…JOY.  Pure and simple.

The problem?

Since I can’t actually bottle this feeling, and share it with those around me…

How do I chill the fuck out so that everyone around me can tolerate hypomanic me,  and not want to punch me in my hypomanic face?

It’s a little easier at work. I can pop in my ear buds and lose myself in my music as I plug along with work.

I’m currently listening to my “Dance It Out” playlist.

But what happens when I go home to my fiancé who is dealing with some pretty major life stuff, and I’m all, “Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” ???

It’s not fair for me to impose my mood on him.

I want to be supportive.

But we are on completely opposite ends of the spectrum, right now.

How can I be there for him while not putting him off with my frenetic energy? And how can I support him without depleting my own emotional resources?

Why hasn’t anyone written about that?  Sheesh. Everything I’ve found is about the care and feeding of your bipolar partner. But what about being bipolar and taking care of your healthy partner? Where are those books?

I need some guidance here.

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5 thoughts on “Happiness Hit Her, Like a Train on the Track

  1. Hopefully your fiancé has some lovely supportive family and friends who he can turn to as well. Hypomania is a challenging life issue of it’s own!! Though it always feels, like you say, wheeeeeeee!! Good description! 🙂 don’t try to be the world’s greatest partner! I always fall into that trap and end up way too stressed out! Just hug him and let him know you’re there for him, then go do what you need to do, and be what you need to be! Xx

    • “Just hug him and let him know you’re there for him, then go do what you need to do, and be what you need to be!” This is FANTASTIC advice, and I may have to repeat this to myself, over and over again. I lean heavily toward being a “fixer”.

      Thanks so much for this thoughtful comment, And for the follow. I’m really enjoying your blog! 🙂

  2. Mary, I have usually driven partners crazy and ran them off. I never had a lasting relationship until I understood and mitigated the affects of mania. I am sure you have read somewhere that mania usually changes as you get older… so enjoy the weeee. My suggestion would be twofold. What starts your mania episodes, is it stress, lots of sun, anger, inturruption in sleep or eating habits,illness,or maybe something else? If you can figure out what trigers it and feeds it then you can manage it. Sunlight feeds mine so the house is pretty dark. When I go outside I wear dark sunshades. I have several meditation cd’s that I listen to twice a day. Any music I play is relaxing. I slow down and pay attention to every key I push on the computer. Warm showers help and if I feel a build up of energy I exercise to burn it off. Mindfullness is awesome, let your mind clear. It can be done even during mania to help slow the mind. There are other mind exercises that can help with that as well.

    I have found a wonderful lady who not only puts up with me but helps me along the path. Some of the things we do is reduce interaction during the day especially when I want to rant on about the thousand or so new ideas I had, At night we might watch a tranquil movie and if I am too edgie for that a clomosipam (prescribed) really helps. If your husband is the creative type he might enjoy the rantings, take notes and discuss the good stuff at a later point. Walk together, it is harder to talk when you are breathing hard and sex, sex is the best during mania.

    Meet in the middle where you can and keep open communication to make adjustments where necessary. I hope this rambling helps. The words just got away from me. I love to read your posts.

    • Thank you for these great suggestions!

      I’m very accustomed to my depressive episodes, so I know the warning signs and the triggers and can sometimes lessen the severity, at least. Not so much for the mania end of things. Since I’ve never (knock on wood) experienced extreme mania, I’ve never really paid attention to what leads up to those episodes. I just enjoy the ride–until I wind up in a mixed state or plummet into a depression. Ugh. I’m working with my therapist now, on identifying these triggers.

      I love the idea of mindfulness. That’s going to take A LOT of practice. Right now, I can’t even turn my cluttered brain off without the help of my new friend Clonazepam. Ugh.

      I am very lucky in that I have a loving partner who is supportive, and willing to communicate, and still manages to have a good sense of humor about the whole thing. I think that helps. I guess we’re learning as we go.

      I really do appreciate your input. Thanks so much for reading!

  3. that is great that your partner is supportive and willing to communicate.That goes such a long way towards helping you while you sort meds etc. Like you, I don’t have a chance of shutting my brain up without the help of a friend.Mine is currently called Lithium.

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